Backslidin'

Spencer has lately been asking me why we don't go to church. Will we ever go to church? Why can't I just drop him off at church? I remember asking the same questions of my mother at around his age, and I suppose it proves that we are a product of our environment-unless we change the cycle. I always thought that I would grow up to be a church goer. I had a pretty good run going when Spencer was little. Then came the divorce.....

I will admit that I not only stopped attending church, I stopped a lot of things when I found myself a single parent living with my parents, then my grandparents. I slowly started to live again, but never had the fire to get back into church like I was before. It really conflicted too much with my "me time". I have thought a lot about that lately and am completely ashamed of myself and some of the paths that I have been down. I wouldn't change it, because those experiences make me who I am. The wife, mother, step-mother, aunt that I am. But I am still ashamed.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a church service that really spoke to my heart and made me think a lot about all the time that had passed since I was last active in a church, or active in the Word for that matter. I don't want my children to grow up not knowing the Word of God and not having the precious experience of knowing that Jesus loves me this I know.

How intimidating to walk into a building, where everyone knows everyone, except you. Where you feel completely out of place, then the message comes and you know this is right where God wants you to be at this exact moment. I hope that this fire continues to burn, that my sons can grow up in a Christian home, that I will have the courage to walk through those doors again and pick up where my journey left off.

I am ready for change in my heart and in my life. I am ready for a new closeness with God that I can share with my children. I am ready!